Growing pains

That just makes me feel even worse.

Financially, I am in a much better situation than all of you. The Brunei Government are nice enough to pay for my education and my parents look after the rest so I can live comfortably.

Unfortunately, I am only supported by the government until I’m 21 which is in July. From there, my parents are supporting me for my final semester (I finish university at the end of the year). Then…I have to get a job.

I haven’t had not one single PROPER job in my life because I haven’t had the need. I’ve done odd jobs and one-offs and week long things here and there but thats it. Nothing resume worthy. And at the end of the year I’m going to have to start working full time. Yikes. Fortunately, I’ll have a degree and a diploma to my name but that doesn’t really add up to a hill of beans in either Film or Internet Design which is what I am majoring and minoring in.

Does anyone find their relationship with their parents has become strained more AFTER their teens. I thought Teen Angst was supposed to be the hard times. I fight with my parents all the time when I go back to Brunei. Its depressing.

As for right now, I’m emotionally drained. Its the third day of my holiday and I feel entirely useless. I haven’t gone out at all and I can’t really bring myself to do so. It’s all about Polly, you see. She’s my big shiny ray of HOPE. I realise that I have almost nothing else right now that cheers me up. During the semester I have schoolwork and tv to distract me but what really gets me through the day is getting that phone call from her where we talk about the day. And then spending the weekend together. Last week she’s been busy with work so we haven’t had much time to chat. Now I’m on holiday and she’s still got school. To make matters worse, her phoneline is disconnected right now. And I’m broke. So the last three days I’ve been sitting at home doing nothing and waiting for a call that I know isn’t coming.

I don’t know about how you guys operate, but I need hope or something or someone to get me through the day. Something to make all the dull shit and the bad shit tolerable. It used to be going back to Brunei. For a while, it was Kate. Then it was Pat’s visit. Then my sister’s wedding. Right now, I have nothing to look forward to. NOTHING. In a few months I become totally independant, I lose all my financial backing, I might move to another city and worst of all, my days of hanging out with Polly all weekend seem seriously numbered. I’m fed up, angry, frustrated and its reflecting in how I get on with other people, my schoolwork and I just feel shitty in general. The material distractions aren’t working so well any more and I feel tired simply because I’m suffering from strained nerves. It’s times like these I wish I was a smoker.

I feel yuck.

Pat, Sam, I’m sorry but I have no advice for you guys. I have no confidence in my ability to give advice on dealing with parents, work or girls since I’m failing badly on all counts myself.

…

Mike, what do we do?