A tribute to bacon

Plenty of action in the forum involving some trolling, flame baiting and banning. Go now and read.

I’m eating ungodly amounts of bacon these days. Its so damned delicious. I didn’t eat bacon for YEARS because I couldn’t eat fried food in the morning. Now I’m addicted to the damn stuff. I totally snapped at my flatmate when he finished the last of the bacon the other day without telling me. Like I actually snapped at him. MY bacon. My own. My precious.

I’m kinda giving away that I haven’t read Tom’s site in 3 weeks by saying this, but he did an awesome rant on Harrison Ford…three weeks ago. Check it out. It’s about midway down in a post entitled ‘Tom McNeil…’. He also spells Al Pacino’s name with an ‘h’ in it. I like that.

I throw up a lot these days. I’m not sure why, but it doesn’t take much to make me barf anymore. I downloaded a video clip of Tenacious Z. For those who don’t know, Tenacious Z is a ONE LEGGED WRESTLER. His other leg is completely gone and was amputated when he had cancer at age 8. He just hops around alot. When you do an irish whip on him, he hops against the ropes and hops back. Now, this is the most grotesque and strangely fascinating things I’ve ever seen. I completely lost my lunch the first time I saw it. If you’re curious, you can get a clip of him wrestling off Kazaa. Just search for “Tenacious Z” in the video section. It’s the match against BG James (he was Road Dogg in WWF).

And Rod was right. The Steve-O video totally blows. I got a copy off Kazaa and man am I glad I didn’t shell out thirty bucks for this shit on DVD (which I was almost considering doing). Most of the video is just really boring, not funny or simply recycled stuff from the Jackass movie. The only interesting bit for me was when he ate rats, weasels, possums and a bunch of other animals. It made vomit. That was pretty funny because my vomiting made my flatmate vomit too. Vomiting for everyone!

Got another call from Polly today. It was a ‘Me and Nigel miss you much’ call. I almost threw up (literally, on the phone…she thought I was choking). These calls are getting increasingly surreal. I straight away put on Jilted Bitter Man Voice which of course is silly because I have a normal voice when I answer the phone and I don’t actually know its her yet.

Polly can only talk about things that have nothing to do with Nigel so she has like two things to say. Something about homework and something about television programs I don’t watch. She could literally have this same conversation with a complete stranger on a bus. And then she actually says ‘I don’t have any stories since they are all to do with Nigel’. I think its pretty funny that we not only have Rules of Conversation but actually state what they are out loud.

Another rule is that she implies that she misses me but isn’t allowed to directly say it. She’s asked a bunch of times now if I’m going to Brunei over the holidays. I always say yes and she’s like “You shouldn’t go. Not because I want you to stay but…”

“…Avril Lavigne is touring in July”
“…you should get a job for work experience”
“…Brunei has SARS”
“…”

She mentions that I’m making a point of not hanging out with her and then invites me out to a bunch of things and I turn down every single one since, y’know, I’m making a point of not hanging out with her.

And then to wrap, there’s a good deal of silence which in unspoken words is:

Polly: When are you going to stop this nonsense?
Edo: I dunno. When you dump Nigel and go out with me.
Polly: Ha! Like that’ll fucking happen
Edo: Well then I guess we’re just going around in circles then

And then spoken in closing:

Polly: Do you watch Big Brother?
Edo: No, its stupid.
Polly: Okay. Bye bye.

Actually, I think the Big Brother thing is pretty universal. It makes me vomit. Well, actually, no. But its still pretty shitty.

I know there are a couple of you on the Spy Magazine staff that are going through some tough times at the moment. So everyone think happy thoughts and hopefully things will turn around soon for you guys. You’re in my prayers.