The Lisa House Rules

Lisa, don’t stress.  Presented for the benefit of the FAT website readers attending the party on Saturday, here is her list of twenty rules to obey.  If you misbehave, Tom the Bouncer will nut-slap you in his spandex and throw you out the house.

So here we go:

Lisa’s House Party Rules

1. Don’t drink too much
2. Don’t do drugs
3. Don’t pee on the couch
4. Don’t have sex in the house
5. Don’t try to have sex with my sister (in the house)
6. Don’t steal my underwear
7. Don’t ask me where my beaver is
8. Don’t shave the dog
9. Don’t complain about the rats brushing against your legs
10. Don’t stare at me when talking to my breasts
11. Don’t copy my coursework notes
12. Don’t poke the bouncer’s soft pinky squishy belly
13. Don’t buy me plastic novelty poo for my birthday present
14. Don’t make fun of the frightened intimidated sober people
15. Don’t steal the wallets of the drunk semi-conscious people
16. Don’t steal my porn
17. Don’t steal my double A batteries
18. Don’t try to have sex with my mom (in the house)
19. Have fun!
20. Get the fuck out of the house by midnight

Follow these rules and you won’t get hurt.  Get it?

Before I go, Dan asked me to plug a couple of new songs that he’s made.  So here you go, download these babies here:

Balamb Garden Remix (From Final Fantasy VIII): http://netjunk.com/users/discofrog/bgarden.it

Synthetic Fantasy (Angry Scots Remix) http://netjunk.com/users/discofrog/scots.it